stop apologizing
Sorry, not sorry!
I have never created something so fast. In this episode I share 3 things we need to stop apologizing for right now. Let me tell you, it was rejuvenating creating todays episode. Not only was it the fasted episode I've ever written and recorded, but it was one of my most fun to share with you. Listen to Season 1 Episode 08 of Her Messy Bun Podcast to hear the 3 things we all need to stop apologizing for or keep reading.
3 Things To Stop Saying Sorry For
A few weeks ago, one of my cousins (an avid listener and supporter of Her Messy Bun) texted me while listening to my first “freestyle” episode and said “don’t apologize for rambling, because you weren’t and also, women are taught to apologize for everything and we shouldn’t”.
Which got me to thinking about ALLLLL the unnecessary things that I apologize for. I know a lot of friends that do this and after some back and forth my cousin I decided to dive in and make an episode to try and inspire you to be more confident in your life decisions in hopes that you also STOP apologizing.
Aside from apologizing for rambling on this show, or stuttering when I’m tired, one of the things I noticed I apologize for is being busy. When I don’t text someone back right away I notice I say “I’m sorry I was busy doing…” Insert life task. Which, I understand the need for wanting to apologize to someone if you were in the middle of a conversation, but here’s the thing. Life gets busy, even if its with something as simple as scrolling through social media.
I feel like there is a clear difference between purposefully avoiding someone versus putting your phone down to take care of your life. And we need to stop worrying if the friend or family member we are talking to is offended by us not texting back right away. If they are a true loved one, they will know you aren’t avoiding them, and they will understand life happens. But if you are purposely trying to avoid someone, maybe ask yourself why, and if the answer is because they are toxic, then don’t just avoid them, cut them out of your life as best you can. Because aint nobody got time for toxic relationships!!
Rather than apologizing when coming back to a conversation, try saying things like:
“Ok I’m back!” or just continue the conversation where you left off. Its just texting. Another thing you can try which I’ve been doing recently, is if you have an iPhone, you can actually set your phone to do not disturb, and create an away message. I do this ALL the time now. If you’re interested you go to settings, do not disturb, scroll down to auto reply and adjust the message to say what ever you want. Then you put your phone on the do not disturb while driving setting and whenever someone texts you, they get the auto response you made as well as a message saying “I’m not receiving notifications. If this is urgent, reply “urgent” to send a notification through with your original message.
If you don’t know what to change yours to here’s my current one “Away message: BRB I’m working on my tan, my garden, or my business”
Another thing I noticed I apologize for, is when I’m looking for something at the store, and someone else also needs to get something from the same area. If there is a conversation that’s had, it tends to go like this.. Stranger: Excuse me, Me: Oh Sorry!.... That is me straight up apologizing for being. If you’re like me, try replacing that with, “Of course” or “just one second”. It’s ok to ask the other person to wait while you continue to look. Especially now more than ever. You don’t have to be rude, but also just because someone said excuse me, does not mean they get to do what they want.
The next thing I noticed I apologize for, is sleeping. Like, I straight-up apologize for fueling my body with the sleep it needs. I didn’t even realize I say “wow, sorry for sleeping in today” to my husband. It wasn’t until he finally said, “Danielle, you don’t ever need to apologize for that, you clearly needed it, I would have woken you up is something urgent came up”.
Am I the only one thats done that? That is insane to me! Now, when I sleep in, I saw things like “wow, that felt amazing, I clearly needed that”. It’s more positive and uplifting and rather than putting me in a sorrow state, it puts me in a positive and grateful mindset.
The last thing I know I apologize for, even before I had this conversation with my cousin, is something that I’m pretty sure we all have done that we need to STOP! Is when someone bumps into me! And I say “sorry”. The worst is when I say sorry to this and the other person goes “it’s ok”.... Like the audacityyyyyyy. This one is by far the one I hate the most. Whenever I bump into someone and they say I’m sorry, I always try to respond with “don’t apologize, that was my fault, are you ok?”
I have yet successfully switched out this apology with something more uplifting for myself. Instead I just don’t say anything. Which I feel like is still a silenced apology. A huge part of me wants to play the victim when the A-hole doesn’t say anything and just be like “ouchhh oh my gosh didn’t you see me??” Or shout some obscene lie like “oh my god my baby!” as if i’m pregnant… because no decent human being bumps into you without apologizing or checking to see if you’re ok. I don’t care if you’re a man, woman,dog or chair I’m checking to see if I did any damage.
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Until next time!
xo Danielle
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